THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST (2004)
Newmarket Films

By Désirée I. Guzzetta

The quick opinion: Save your money. Save your time. For verily I say unto you that this movie maketh the sweet baby Jesus weep. And not in the good way.

Yep, Mel Gibson has finally done it. He has made the first Jesus-cum-slasher flick. Good God Almighty, but what the hell was Gibson thinking? And honestly, I don't know who Gibson hates more: himself or his audience. Well, I think it's the audience because I feel personally offended by what Gibson hath wrought. The guy needs to work out whatever trauma he has suffered that has compelled him to make such a grotesque, audience-punishing film.

The first hour of The Passion of the Christ, much like the first hour of the second Matrix film, is boring, albeit broken up a little by Satan doing some weird EEEEVOL stuff that I kinda liked, being that I like horror films and seeing devils pop out of nowhere is right up my section of Hades. One of those quick jumpy shots scared someone in the audience so much that he gasped, "Jesus Christ!"--I am not making that up.

Also, I couldn't help but think of a few pop culture references during the boring first hour. For instance, that episode of "The Simpsons" where the Flanders play Bible trivia, only instead of the Vulgate of St. Jerome, Gibson grabs the Vulgar of St. Mel for his story of Christ's final hours. Or maybe he used the Gospel according to St. David Cronenberg. Satan, who is played by a woman, looks uncomfortably like the lead in the film, Powder, and apparently has a snake where his penis should be (yeah, I'm still in 3rd grade). And if I wasn't into self-preservation, I would have shouted out "Wewease Bwian!" during the "Free Barrabbas!" scene. It's not good to have a Life of Brian moment in a serious film about Christ; on the other hand, at least Monty Python saved my sanity.

The second hour is much more powerful--I won't deny that--but the contempt Gibson shows for the viewer via the sadistic, lingering shots of Jesus's suffering is sickening. Christ is practically flayed by the Romans when they scourge Him. He is so badly beaten, whipped, brutalized, and bled out that it's a miracle He lived long enough to be crucified (also shown to us in loving, graphic detail). In fact, the film should be called The Bloodletting of The Christ. Apparently, the only thing the Romans didn't do to Him was apply leeches. Feh.

And yes, I know Christ suffered horribly before He died, but instead of being filled with awe and love for Christ and his sacrifice, I was filled with nausea. If I hadn't bought myself a 7-Up (ooh, free product endorsement!) that helped keep my stomach settled, I would have vomited.

Which brings me to the biggest problem with this film: Where's the spirituality? Where's the love, except for the apparently loving shots of Christ's every wound? I know this is the story of the Passion, but I could easily have handled and better understood the use of the graphic violence in Gibson's depiction of it if I had only been given more flashbacks of His teachings and kindness. Just because I know the whole story doesn't mean I don't want to see some evidence of His holiness in the same film where I get to see Him nearly shredded like an Iran-Contra document. It's called balance and balance is a good thing.

I do admit that I was close to being moved to tears a few times while watching what Jesus had to go through in order to bring salvation to the world. However, every time the passion that Gibson obviously feels for his subject began to affect me, he'd pull out some hackneyed imagery that made me want to whap him upside the head. I've seen all the films he's directed and I know he has undeniable directorial skills, but some of his choices here are just bizarre, adherence to the Gospels be dam...er, darned. Example: When Christ is dying on the cross between the two true criminals who are being crucified as well, the image of the bloodied Jesus is heart-breaking. Then a raven lands atop the cross of the criminal who continues to belittle Christ and before you can say, "That raven is so gonna peck out his eyes!" the raven so totally pecks out his eyes. Which might have worked if this was a revenge flick. Sure, leave out the crowing of the rooster when Simon Peter denies Christ three times (although by my count, he issued denials a few times more than that), but by all means, throw in an evil raven! That poor neglected cock!

By the way, I know doves are used to symbolize Christ, but the slo-mo dove shot here is more reminiscent of John Woo than St. John. Feh again.

On the much more positive side, the acting is mostly quite good, especially as it's doubtful any of these people just happened to be fluent in Latin and Aramaic (Foh-net-icks rocks!). I've been impressed with Jim Caviezel ever since I saw him in The Thin Red Line, and he acquits himself well enough, given that he looks rather tenderized for a great deal of the picture. His golden-brown contact lenses are pretty nifty, too. Maia Morgenstern, who plays Mary, is wonderful, and watching her agonize over her Son's fate is wrenching. Monica Bellucci doesn't get to do much more than cry and look beautiful, but at least she does it well.

I guess that's enough blasphemy from me. I'm not even going to get into the anti-Semetic bits (which was bound to happen since part of the film is based on the visions of an anti-Semetic nun, according to some background I read on the film) because I'll start foaming at the mouth again. Suffice to say that I am terribly disappointed in this film after hearing some very good things about it from people whose opinions matter to me (and usually are in tune with mine). What a tragic waste of film, time and money.

Official Passion Site

Newmarket Films
Director: Mel Gibson
Screenwriters (in Aramaic and Latin, with English subtitles): Benedict Fitzgerald and Mr. Gibson
Starring: Jim Caviezel (Jesus), Monica Bellucci (Magdalen), Hristo Naumov Shopov (Pontius Pilate), Maia Morgenstern (Mary), Francesco De Vito (Peter), Luca Lionello (Judas), Mattia Sbragia (Caiphas), Rosalinda Celentano (Satan), Claudia Gerini (Claudia Procles)
Running Time: 2 hours of EXCRUTIATING TORMENT
Rated: R

© 2002-08 Brenda Cowan & Désirée Guzzetta/Two Lazy Critics^TM. All Rights Reserved. May Not Be Reprinted Without Permission.
Two Lazy Critics^TM. Logo Designed by Tammy Ferranti. Website Designed by Amanda Paulette and maintained by the Two Lazy Critics^TM.
To report broken links or for general site information, translate the following into the proper form (look at how the site name is spelled out) and put it in your favorite e-mail client: info AT 2 La-zee Critics DOT com.
The Two Lazy Critics^TM brought to you by four not-so-lazy parental units.

All images (specifically, "official movie site" images, album covers, etc.) included on our site are used as allowed via copyright laws in accordance with the U.S. Copyright Office's "fair use" ruling for use of images in critiquing and reviewing and are copyright of their respective studios and/or companies and all that good legal stuff. Any images used that don't fall into the above categories are copyright of the respective people who took them and gave us permission to put the images on our site.